


i knew you long before i knew my own name.

by junfhongs



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Kimi no Na wa. | Your Name. Fusion, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Amnesia, Fate & Destiny, Fluff, M/M, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-24 01:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17091389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junfhongs/pseuds/junfhongs
Summary: kimi no na wa/your name!au. Minhyun can't explain it, but there's something drawing him to the man on the train, the one that stared into his eyes and mirrored the longing he saw in them. when the universe points you towards something like that, whether or not it's the right direction to go, there's only one sensible thing to do:run.





	i knew you long before i knew my own name.

**Author's Note:**

> technically a kimi no na wa fic in itself; prior knowledge of the film is not required, but it is recommended

_What's your name?_

It starts with an innocuous tear running down Minhyun's face, then this urge to step forward, to reach for the hand that's limply hanging by this man's side— a hand whose texture Minhyun can somehow call familiar, all rough after years of labor yet small and warm and delicate in Minhyun's hesitant grasp. They pretend that it's for a handshake, something formal and detached and not as serendipitous as a chance meeting with their missing half.

"Minhyun," he rasps as another tear graces his cheek. "My name is Hwang Minhyun." There's power in the statement, emphasis in each syllable, as if he's trying to etch it into this not-so-stranger's mind. He is, though. He's carving this meeting into his mind, into his memories, so that it never crumbles and slips through his fingers like sand ever again. He doesn't know what he forgot, when it began, but he knows in his heart that he can't let this go now.

The man clears his throat. "Kim Jonghyun," he says. It's a simple enough name, common and forgettable, but it rings in Minhyun's ear like the bell in his elementary school that told him recess and lunch were about to begin or the melody his mother would sing into his hair as his lullaby at night. "It's nice to… meet you, Hwang Minhyun." Jonghyun's voice wraps itself around his heart, and Minhyun's heart soars as his own name graces Jonghyun's lips.

Jonghyun is the first to let go, but not without a final glance at Minhyun's palm. Minhyun gets the urge to glance at Jonghyun's right palm too, and the way his cheeks burn at the sight of it makes Minhyun's mind race. _Why?_ What's this familiarity, finally acknowledged but still far from being understood? Why does the loss of this not-so-near-stranger's touch make Minhyun yearn to reach out once again?

"I have— I have to go to work," Minhyun says. It comes as an afterthought, something that seems so irrelevant now. A true stranger passes by, spares them a glance. Minhyun doesn't know what this other person is seeing, but her ears turn red at the sight of them. It must look like a charged moment; Minhyun would argue that it is, and the air's heavy with years of chilling emptiness relinquishing their hold over all of Minhyun's thoughts and emotions. In this moment, in the uniqueness of what's happening _now,_ Minhyun feels his life slowly slipping back into his control.

Jonghyun's eyes dart away. There's shame in the way his fingers twitch to brush against Minhyun's wrist. "I have class." He clears his throat. The thought of being parted from Jonghyun makes desperation seize up Minhyun's throat, makes panic shine in his eyes.

And despite all his fears, Minhyun feels it all fade away when Jonghyun mirrors the panic in his gaze, when the two of them stutter over their words and shake as they hand each other their phones to exchange details wordlessly. Words are too much to think of, too much to take in, too much to deal with. They don't have the words to explain their need to be with each other; all they have is this moment.

"I'll find you," says Minhyun. It's a gross overestimation of how helpful fate could be—fate had _not_ been on their side until recently—but there's something a bit more hopeful in the earnest tone of Minhyun's voice.

"I… _we_ will find each other."

 

 

———

 

 

It's a great leap of faith, but Minhyun gets off the train five stops too soon and stands by the vending machines, waiting for… anything.

Well, not just _anything._ It's someone. Someone who the universe must have taken away from him once for him to feel this strongly for despite not knowing anything about him. Minhyun was swamped with work today, so he never got the chance to look Kim Jonghyun up online, to see the full picture behind those bright eyes.

But if he's to be honest, he's not just here for Jonghyun. He's here for fate. He's here to test his luck, to see if that chance meeting just earlier today was the real deal or if that was the one and only time the universe would ever be kind to him.

It hasn't been kind to him. Not since he was eight and his family had to move away from the beach because of his skin allergies. Definitely not when he was thirteen and his parents split up after years of tension that he and his sister didn't even realize was there until it was all over. The universe was _especially_ cruel when this sudden hole in Minhyun's heart kept digging deeper and deeper into his flesh until he had to wake up from his forgotten dreams with tears streaming down his face. And as much as he tried to figure it out, figure _himself_ out, the memories of his dreams eluded him on every one of those nights. The universe was a cruel mistress, and Minhyun wasn't inclined to trust her anymore.

When his view meets scruffy shoes and a surprised chuckle tickles his ears, Minhyun looks up and finds himself staring into the eyes of fate himself— _his fate,_ maybe. "Hi," Jonghyun says, a little confused but still smiling through his uneven eyes. It's a weird detail to fixate on, but Minhyun finds it so charming, so uniquely normal and humanizing. Here is a figure of Minhyun's forgotten dreams, and even if that may not be true, Minhyun still believes in it. He believes in the way the hole in his heart has been ever so slightly mended by how the tears shined in Jonghyun's eyes earlier. He believes that his tears might have mended a similar gap in Jonghyun's heart as well. He thinks he can have faith again.

"What are you doing here, Minhyun?" Jonghyun asks. The _'how did you find me?'_ rings very clearly in his hesitation to step any closer. Minhyun understands; he might not be making a very good second impression here, but… he's not afraid to take that risk if it means seeing Jonghyun again.

"I, um, was thirsty on the ride back home, so I just… got off the train," he says as simply as he can. Minhyun knows he sounded stupid, but he'd rather be seen as an idiot than a creep. It's… pretty close to the truth anyway.

Jonghyun shifts his weight and casts a suspicious look at Minhyun. "You sure about that? You _just_ decided to drop by the station near my university, huh?" He smirks when panic flits through Minhyun's eyes. There's something less pained about Jonghyun's gaze, at least compared to Minhyun's. He seems… calmer, more mature about this chance meeting. Something about it speaks to Minhyun's soul, asks him to get out of his head and his fantasies of what this could possibly be and just meet Jonghyun halfway on this.

So… Minhyun decides to try. No more games, no more pretending. "I wasn't sure if you'd be _here_ exactly, but it was worth a shot." Minhyun tosses his empty can into the bin, and then he's left with no anchor, no excuse to be here. Somehow the awkwardness finally dawns on him, and he glances at the train. "I should go," he blurts out, and his face floods in bright red shame.

"Wait!" Jonghyun calls out, just a tiny bit too loud for the rush hour buzz. Minhyun glances back at him, at the way his feet taps against the tiles and his fingers drum against the strap of his bag. He's nervous too. He's just as lost as Minhyun. Once again, Minhyun is reminded that this isn't just about him.

They found _each other._ That's worth staying for.

"We're, um, headed the same way home, right? Same train?" Jonghyun motions at the line. "I'm six stops away."

Disappointment weighs heavily in Minhyun's stomach. "Five stops for me." They walk in silence towards the crowd ushering each other to get in. In the midst of the madness, an idea pops into mind. "I heard—" he grunts when a little boy steps on his shoe, "there's a good ramen place a few minutes away from that station. Just, um, a quick walk."

Jonghyun doesn't express his agreement. Actually, he doesn't say anything. Not throughout the entire cramped train ride, not even as a shift in the crowd left him leaning against Minhyun's chest, about a hair too close for comfort. He doesn't tell Minhyun to back off, doesn't tell him that he's probably eaten there already and it wasn't that good, doesn't give off anything for Minhyun to work with. He's a mystery, and all Minhyun can focus on is his own vulnerability as they walk out of the train station and into the cold darkness of the night.

He wants to fill it with small talk. It's what Minhyun does best, but the mindless babbling would just ruin this, ruin the thin layer of ice that's surrounding them in a bubble despite the thickness of the crowd they're walking into. And just as Minhyun looks away, just as the thought of losing Jonghyun for a moment crosses his mind, Jonghyun's hand reaches out for his. They grip each other tightly, as normal as could be expected from holding hands with a stranger. Minhyun doesn't mind; he's too focused on the electricity that's running from Jonghyun's right palm straight into Minhyun's burning skin.

They find themselves in the exact restaurant that Minhyun was talking about, though he doesn't know how Jonghyun could have figured out which one it was among the strip of restaurants that they had just passed by. The rational side of Minhyun tells him that it's because the place is just that popular; the hopeless romantic clawing its way through the skepticism caging Minhyun's heart wants to call it by what it actually is: _fate._

Then comes the silence. Minhyun can't stop staring at Jonghyun now, can't stop taking in every little detail of him that he can take a mental picture of. Something about him feels so familiar, as if Minhyun can already describe the way Jonghyun's skin warms up when he blushes or the taste of his mouth as he wakes up, which is— _gross,_ to say the least, and utterly creepy, if Minhyun were to be honest with himself.

But he is being honest. And he knows that there's a grain of truth in every delusion that's crossing his mind right now.

"I—" Minhyun sighs and starts picking at his nails. "I can't be the only one who feels that… _something_ is weird between us, right?" He chuckles awkwardly, waiting for Jonghyun to stand up and throw a glass of water at his face for being such a damn _creep._ Minhyun deserves it, probably, but he can't help himself from bringing this up. He can't help himself from feeling this way.

A hand reaches out amidst the darkness to stop his nails from digging into his skin any further. It anchors Minhyun, holds him down against the rough waves of the sea. It's been painful for a while now, dizzying and exhausting. In just a simple touch, Minhyun finds himself out of his mind and back into this quaint little ramen spot hidden in a city full of lights and people. With just Jonghyun's touch, Minhyun finds himself again.

"You're not the only one, Minhyun," says Jonghyun, and that's enough for Minhyun's racing heart to calm down and fall in step with Jonghyun's. "It's weird to describe it, but I feel like we've met before. Or we know each other somehow. Which is— it's _impossible._ "

"Nothing's impossible, Jonghyun," Minhyun tries to say, but he can barely get it past the lump in his throat. "I don't know how, but I know _you._ "

Jonghyun chuckles, and his eyes glance at their intertwined fingers. Neither of them are moving away. Something about that feels right. "It's— I'm from Gangneung. I was just a little country boy playing by the sea and training to be a _temple keeper,_ of all things. I'm from this tiny little world, and I'm sure I would remember if I met someone like you."

The name of the city piques Minhyun's interest. It seems like a distant memory now, but his friends once said he was obsessed with that city, obsessed with how a comet struck right at its center and turned it into a gulf, a little seaside town that was now a part of the sea. A thought crossed Minhyun's mind: what if Jonghyun hadn't made it out of the city in time to escape the crash? Would they ever meet? Would the hole in Minhyun's heart ever feel complete the way it does right now, with Jonghyun's hand in his and with the delicate warmth of this moment etching itself into their minds permanently?

 _This isn't a dream,_ Minhyun has to remind himself.

"I'm sure I've met you before, in a dream maybe." Minhyun's words bite him in the ass immediately. "That's _stupid,_ and you don't have to tell me that I'm insane, but… yeah. That's just how I feel."

Jonghyun doesn't laugh at him. He looks up, tears in his eyes yet again, a thumb stroking Minhyun's right palm, and he smiles. "I must be just as insane as you then."

 

 

———

 

 

As much as Minhyun wants to recall the rest of the night, he can't really remember every little detail. It seems to all blur together into one miniscule moment: the moment when they stood in front of Jonghyun's apartment door and Minhyun couldn't resist the urge to cradle his face and stare into his eyes one last time.

It's _insane_ and out of bounds and totally crossing the line between strangers and soulmates, but Minhyun isn't afraid to take the leap anymore. He doesn't kiss Jonghyun, doesn't bridge that last physical gap between them. They both know that it's not out of character, that it's not something that would seem totally preposterous given the trajectory of their night. Then again, there are some boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, that should be savored for as long as they can still bear with it.

So here it is. It's the mystery, the absolute wonder of meeting someone that you seem to be fated to meet and to be with. It's the gaping hole in their hearts as they part and the giddiness every time they even brush against each other as they walk in the night. It's the way Jonghyun confides to Minhyun about that fated day, about the hysteria in his eyes as he urged the city to save itself from imminent danger, about the absolute relief he felt when he actually managed to achieve it. It's the way Minhyun confides to Jonghyun about that time when he felt like he was being hysterical and absolutely obsessed with a place he had never been to and no longer existed and about the crushing disappointment he felt when he came home and realized that he had achieved nothing.

Now he has. Now he's found what he was looking for. Though he may not remember every detail, all the things that drew him to that place before, now he knows, and he's holding him in his arms as he says goodbye for the night.

"I want to ask you to stay," Jonghyun mumbles into Minhyun's coat. When Minhyun blinks, he feels his tears dampening his lashes and the cloth of Jonghyun's scarf. "That would be weird though, wouldn't it?"

"I think we're way past weird now," Minhyun says with a chuckle. He cups Jonghyun's face again and wipes away the stray tear that falls from Jonghyun's bright eyes.

Jonghyun clears his throat in embarrassment. "Next time… I'll find you, okay?"

"Jonghyun," Minhyun shakes his head and laughs at the way Jonghyun's face drops, "we'll find each other. _I promise._ "

It's the way their fingers link before they part that tells Minhyun this is true. It's the growing smile on his face that reminds Minhyun of how perfect this night is, how perfect _they_ are.

It's the confusion as he wakes up in an apartment that's not his, the lingering sense of familiarity in the back of Minhyun's mind as he stares at himself in Jonghyun's body the next morning, and the disgruntled chuckle they both share as they stare at their own bodies in the middle of the crowded train station that brings back everything that Minhyun's lost: his memories, his fears, and his love for the soul he's staring at. _Kim Jonghyun._

He's found himself again, and he's found it in _him._

**Author's Note:**

> prompt #39: a wave au!!! just like how the wave always returns to the shore eventually, minhyun realises that he always returns to jonghyun  
> (thank you to the mods for organizing this and for giving me a reason to start writing again!!)
> 
> ok so i kind of ran with this prompt and kind of went for the soulmates trope + the postkimi no na wa au because GOD that movie is beautiful and the ending was beautiful but i wanted to explore that a little bit hehe
> 
> it's super rushed and it has been soo oo ooooo damn long since i last wrote anything lol but i just wanted to go back to my roots and write something nice and emo :')  
> idk if anyone has realized that ive been Dead for the past few months but yes hopefully my 2nd sem will be less brutal and i can write even just a lil bit lol
> 
> pls comment and tell me what u think!! follow me on [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien) or talk to me on [curiouscat (/amenochieien)](https://curiouscat.me/amenochieien)!!


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